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26-Jan-2017 04:50

Often, I feel more myself with them — or at least some seldom-accessed part of myself I can’t quite name — than I do with gay male or female But despite all of those positive experiences, I still experience a not entirely warm and fuzzy mess of feelings at the mention of “straight men,” writ large. Sexism.” C., 45: “Undue privilege, clueless, sometimes alluring even though not an option, myopic unless their horizons broadened.” A., 42: “Smelly, unself-aware, muscular jock, selfish.” B., 52: “Not sexy. (You only have to look at how well urban gay white men fare against their counterparts on the socieconomic grid to know that we’re an overclass within an underclass.) But like women, we often find ourselves standing on the outside of heterosexual male privilege, looking in at all of that unself-conscious, carelessly earned assuredness of one’s place in the world, particularly if we’re talking about white men.

Almost simultaneously, I feel fear, anger, boredom, contempt, fascination, lust, affection, and a deeper social yearning I can’t quite put my finger on. At all of that Gay men have already had to confront one thing about themselves and deal with it,” says my friend A.

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Consequently, I’d built up a thick, defensive wall of big words around me.

Only later, upon arriving home, I read his inscription to me: “I tease you because I see so much of myself in you. Probably because of David I was able to make similar straight male friends in college, many of whom, to varying extents, are my friends to this day, including J., who now lives in Park Slope with the wife I introduced him to and their two kids, and who only last week went to the opera with a buddy from his all-male book club. These are still the gut reactions we have when we hear the monolithic “straight men.” And that means that both straight men and gay men have a long way to Of course, as gay men, we can find ourselves in a sort of gender-politics netherworld.